Warbirds Online » Blog Archive » Airline and Aviation Humor

Some humor making the rounds on the e-mail circuit

In Flight Humor

Pilot: “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants …”

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Pilot: “The weather at our destination is a cool 50 degrees with some broken clouds. We are hopeful that they’ll have them fixed before we arrive.”

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Pilot’s welcome (after learning of his airline’s award, on another route): “… We are pleased to have some of the very best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight.”

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Pilot: “Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move around the cabin as you wish, but please stay inside the aircraft until we land — it’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.”

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Pilot (after a failed landing and coming in for another): “Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s happy hour. You just received two landings for the price of one.”

After Landing Humor

Flight Attendant: “As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses. Thank you.”

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Flight Attendant: “Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything behind, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”

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Flight Attendant: “Welcome to the San Francisco International Airport. Please remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate. At no time in history has a passenger ever beaten a plane to the gate. So please don’t try. Please be careful opening the overhead bins because, quite frankly, ‘Shift Happens.’ Thank you again for choosing Alaska Air.”

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Flight Attendant (after a bumpy landing): “Sorry about the bumpy landing. It’s not the captains fault. It’s not the co-pilots fault. It’s the asphalt.”

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Flight Attendant (after a hard landing): “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”

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Flight Attendant: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today, and the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of US Airways.”

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Flight Attendant (after a bouncy landing): “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the gate.”

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Flight Attendant (greeting people at the exit): “We hope you enjoyed your flight with Pan Am today. If not, thank you for flying TWA.”

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